“Who in the world am I? Ah, that’s the great puzzle.”
- Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland
I cannot count the number of times I have sat in a school classroom and heard, “You’re entering the stage of adolescence. Your body and mind will be changing, and you will start discovering who you are.” And it always bothers me. Who are these adults to tell me what I am going to be thinking? Then, of course, I have to repent of that thought. It’s not the most respectful...
But here I am, almost fifteen years old. I have two years of teenhood under my belt, and I must come to this sorry conclusion. They were right. Those monologuing teachers and all-knowing textbooks were right. And I... well, yes, I was wrong.
Because guess what? I’m trying to figure out who I am.
My name is Savannah by the way. As I said, I’m fourteen years old. And I suppose I’ve come to an early mid-life crisis.
Here’s a backstory. I’ll keep it brief. I was raised in a Christian home. I was born in Nashville, raised in Atlanta, lived the last year and a half on the Jersey Shore, and am now trying to settle in my new home in Columbia, South Carolina. I’ve moved around a good deal the last couple of years, but it wasn’t always like that. For twelve solid years, I lived in Atlanta. I had the dearest of friends, a wonderful church, a few different wonderful schools, and an amazing ballet studio. I was a dancer and a writer; I knew who I was, what I wanted to do, and who I wanted to become. Then I blink and I’m on the Jersey Shore- how did that happen?
The move was wonderful for me and my family, (Mom, Dad, and Austin), but it changed some things. While I still did ballet, something about it had shifted. I had gone from being a ballet dancer to a girl who dances ballet. A subtle change, but very present, none the less. I became more quiet and more shy. I didn’t really write very much anymore.
Now, I’ve moved to SC. I went to two different schools last year, and I’m going to a new school for my sophomore year in August. For now, I’m left here wondering... Who am I?
I used to write all the time. It was my outlet, my expression, my pleasure and my gift. But I have had writer’s block for about the last two years... I feel like I can’t write anymore. So I decided to write a blog, but what about? Something I’m passionate about. And what am I passionate about? Hmmm.... Ballet, yes, but I’m trying to figure out if I even want to continue that. School? I guess. But how will I blog about school?
I don’t know what I’m passionate about, I guess.
Yup... I’m lost.
I read a quote today. Lao Tzu says,
“At the center of your being
you have the answer;
you know who you are
and you know what you want.”
Well, easy for you to say, Mr. Tzu. You aren’t a teen growing up in the twenty-first century!
But still, I have hope. I have hope because I know who my identity is in. No, I don’t know what I want to do with my life. I don’t know if I’ll be a doctor, a dancer, a teacher... I just don’t know!
But no matter what, I am a daughter. A daughter of the King. And in HIM, I find my hope and my identity.
